Sex Education

Tips & Techniques for Taking Your Anal Play to the Next Level

When my ex first suggested anal, I was terrified. At the time, I thought anal was something most women get asked to do and simply put up with. I was scared it’d be painful and gross, but I felt like I’d regret it if I never tried at all. 

So I did, and… wow. After my first time, I knew I wanted to experiment more. I made sure we both did our research and went into it with an open mind. After the first few sessions (no one gets it perfect the first time), I was hooked. 

Anal isn’t for everyone, and that’s totally okay. If you’re like me, though, you might feel like you want to take your anal play even further. Here are some tips I used to explore my anal pleasure in new ways.

Up Your Lube Game

You might have a lube you love already, and you should keep it. However, that doesn’t mean it’s the only lube you’ll ever need. 

If you haven’t already, look for lubes specifically made for anal. Of course, you’ll want to try them in small portions first to make sure they don’t irritate your skin or damage your toys, but once you’ve got that sorted out it’s easy to start experimenting. 

You may find that anal lubes last longer and make penetration easier. You might also find that flavored lubes taste better (if you or your partner want to use your mouth) and can smell wonderful. A sensual scent adds another layer of stimuli to any erotic play and can be both relaxing and arousing. 

It’s also important to make lubrication a habit during anal - not just before. Anal gets easier as your body gets used to it, but your anus doesn’t self-lubricate so you need to apply lube often. This can stop you from getting hurt and will make the whole experience more enjoyable.

Experiment with Toys

The only thing better than penetration is vibrating penetration, so don’t miss out. Vibrating toys, such as dildos or anal massagers, can loosen the muscles in your anus to make penetration easier and more pleasurable. Plus vibration feels amazing

You can use vibrating toys to tease your anus before anal, or you can use them for anal stimulation while you and your partner do other things. You can also use them to stimulate your clitoris, G-spot, or penis while your partner is giving you anal. 

Another way to use toys (especially stainless steel anal beads) is to freeze them or heat them before use. This mixes anal sensation with the feeling of hot or cold - AKA ‘temperature play’ - which can be euphoric. 

Butt plugs are an easy way to prepare for anal sex with little to no effort. When inserted, they can apply pressure that makes penetrative vaginal sex more sensational and stimulates the anus. They’re also a good way to train your anal muscles for penetration. 

Whatever you do with toys, I always recommend getting something that vibrates. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to use it, but if you want it later then you’ll have to buy a new toy.  

Try New Positions

If you’ve mastered the basics of missionary and doggy anal, then you might want to move on to more advanced positions. If you’re still getting started, then I recommended experimenting more with top positions - e.g., cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, or lap dance. These positions let you control the level of penetration until you’re comfortable with more. 

If you feel like an anal pro and you and your partner have excellent sexual communication skills, then you may want to move on to deeper penetration. From the anal missionary position, try spreading and lifting your legs toward your head as far as they can go. This is called the “full throttle,” and it lets your partner get deeper inside you. 

You can also try variations on standing doggy style that let your partner get deeper, like bending forward or lifting one leg. If you’re feeling really adventurous, try out the “piledriver.” Lay on your back and lift your hips into the air, leaning backward until your feet are near your ears. From there, let your standing partner hold you in place while they lower themselves deep inside you. This one can be tough to sustain for long periods, but it’s great for short bursts of intense penetration. 

And when you’re tired, you and your partner can always settle into a cuddly spooning position while you reapply lube, hold each other, and keep some tender penetration going. There’s no one-size-fits-all position that’s perfect for everyone, so keep experimenting until you and your partner find the perfect angles together. 

Listen to Your Body

Anal is never something you should feel pressured into, and it doesn’t feel the same for everyone. You might experience anal differently as you age, gain more experience, or learn new things. 

For that reason, the best authority on anal pleasure in your life is you. If something feels wrong or overly painful, you should stop. Likewise, if something feels fantastic, don’t be afraid to explore it! 


Dr. Aliyah Moore (she/her) is a certified sex therapist, writer, and sexpert at SexualAlpha. She’s passionate about educating and empowering women to embrace their sexuality and identity. Read more about her story and experience on her website: 

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